Bluebell and Pepper.

If you have been reading this blog all the way through, then you will know that we got Ady some chickens after he had his colon cancer.
He has always wanted chicken at home . He always had chickens at his parents before, many moons ago.
We went off and bought Ingo, Snowy, Bluebell and Pepper.
Ingo decided that she was going to be a right bossy old boot and also be very broody, so we sent her off to our friends to be as broody as she liked, and they wanted some chicks, so that was good.
Snowy was quite a poorly chicken and so she died last year, bless her and that left us with Bluebell and Pepper.
Cyril, our black cat, would spend all day sitting in the garden with them, just watching and keeping guard. He would never let any other cat who came to visit, anywhere near them! They were his girls.

Ady would spend loads of time fiddling about with them and pinching food out of my cupboards for them cos they had eaten my entire garden up. They always knew when Ady was about and would follow him to the bottom of the garden when he went to turn the fish bubbles on, hoping for a few meal worms and fish flakes.
Ady would spend a lot of time, just sitting outside with them and enjoying them.

Bluebell and Pepper were very much part of the family. We even made an area on my allotment so they could come for a day trip in the cat basket when I was going down there.
Even the neighbours enjoyed hearing them chatter away while they were sitting in their gardens.

Last Monday, Ady went out with his friend for the day and said that he would be back late which meant I was on fish and chicken duty.
That evening, they went off to bed, so I nipped out and turned off the fish and fed them, checked the chickens were tucked up in bed, said “Goodnight girls” and thought no more of it.

Steph was first up the next morning. Whoever is first up, always lets the chickens out and gives them their corn. They then stay in their run until Ady gets up later to let them into the garden.
They have been such brilliant therapy for him.
Steph came running upstairs all panicked saying “Mum, mum, the chickens have gone...dad, dad!!”
Well, my immediate thought was that I hadn’t shut them in properly and they had wandered off so I thought “Bugger, shit and bollocks, now I’m in really big trouble”

Our poor poor girls, Mr Fox had been to visit in the night and eaten them. All he left was feathers and blood. Poor girls. Poor Ady. He is absolutely gutted....really gutted.

The girls had a house with the nesting box jutting out. It had removable floors so you could clean it properly and that bloody fox had pushed the floor up where they were sleeping, they must have fallen out, and he killed them..bastard.

At the moment, Ady is feeling very low. Those girls meant the world to him and now every time he goes into the garden, his two girls are not there anymore, following him around singing their little songs.

I have told Ady that if he continues to feel so low, then I am taking him to the doctors. Ady told his friends up the garage what I had said, and they replied “Why, has he got some chickens then?”
Anyway, his friends at the garage happen to know of a woman who has some Bantams or Silkies, I forget which, which are in an incubator at the moment and he can have some when they are ready, so that has cheered Ady up a bit.
I went to pick Steph up from a friend’s house that evening and we were talking about it and how the fox had got in.
She suggested that we put some catches on the inside that you have to slide around to take the flooring off, from the inside. “What a good idea” I said, and went home to tell Ady.

Well, I got home to find Ady in the garden with lots of bits of wood, hammer, nails and a tube of no nails.
The chicken house looked more like a scene for Tom and Jerry!
He had stuck the flooring with no nails and hammered it all down with nails too, and put bits of wood around to stop the fox from getting anywhere near. “That’ll stop the little bastard” he said.
The remaining feathers and blood have been cleaned away and the run has been cleaned out , ready for some more chickens.
Ady is absolutely lost without them and says randomly throughout the day “ I’m bloody gutted I am...just gutted”

Rest In Peace Bluebell and Pepper, and I hope your death wasn’t too awful, you poor girls. Find Julia, she will look after you both.

Interviews and Tablets.

I was driving along in my car the other week, taking my little primary school netball team to their tournament as it happens, when my mobile rang. I pulled over and the conversation went something like this...
“Hello, this is Brenda from the department of work and pensions. Am I speaking to Mrs *****?”
Me: “Yes, how can I help?”
Brenda: “We need you to come for a work focused interview to see how we can help you get into paid employment as you are on income based ESA. Are you still a registered childminder?”
Me: “No, I have never looked after children, apart from my own cos I am their mother. I have never been a childminder”
Brenda: “Oh, it is written here that you are a childminder”
Me:”No, I do care in the community and I am a lunchtime supervisor at a primary school”
Brenda”Oh, I dont know how this has happened...when would be convenient for you to come for an interview so we can get you into work?”
Me: “Well, perhaps you can send me an appointment for your work focused interview and I will see if I can take the time off work to attend”
Brenda “ Oh, are you working then?”
Me: “Yes, and I send you my set of accounts every six months to show my income and expenditure. Could we have this conversation another time as I am a bit busy at the moment?”
Brenda “Dont worry, I will send you an appointment”

I drove off thinking to myself “Did that phone call actually happen or have I finally gone completely mad?”
Well, I hadn’t gone mad cos an appointment came through the post for May. What a waste of bleeding time!!, but I will attend, with my sets of accounts to show them that I do actually work, even if it is for peanuts.
The work I do, fits around my day  and gives me time to look after the girls and Ady. If they think I can fit anymore work in, then they can whistle!

I told Ady about the call. I should have kept quiet because he went into an immediate panic about him having to go back to work and the pressure this whole thing is putting us under. I told him not to worry cos I am dealing with it and if I get any shit, then I am phoning Iain Duncan Smiths place. God, bloody people, why cant they get their flipping act together and leave us alone!

Poor Ady has been knocked for six a bit lately, with the death of Julia and the phone call from the DWP.
When he finds things tough going, he sleeps a lot more than usual. Bless him, he is knackered enough with his hormone therapy and up all night weeing, without stress making him sleep too!

The other Saturday, he sat down with Steph to watch You’ve Been Framed. By the time Steph had got the telly on and the correct channel, Ady had fallen asleep. He woke up a bit later and said “That’s not You’ve Been Framed”
“No dad” Steph said, “It’s the adverts”
She found that hysterical and Ady went back to sleep.

Ady’s poo and wee issues seem to be calming down a lot now,and he had a phonecall from the radiographers to see how he was doing. They are very pleased with him.
We snuck in a PSA test the other week while he was having other bloods done and that is still at zero. Its nice to know we are on the right track. Christ, if his PSA is rising at this early stage while he is on hormones, then we are rather buggered so it’s nice to know that we are not.
We are seeing the oncologist in May to check everything is OK and she wants a PSA test too. Then, I assume after that, we do the odd PSA test here and there and if it starts rising, then we go back to the oncologist for more treatment. We will see, but I assume that will be the plan...?

Ady asked me to cut his hair for him the other day, so I got the clippers out and thought to myself, “If I do it on a number one blade thingy, then I will have to cut his hair more often” So I was very naughty and didn’t say anything, but clipped the lot off with no guard. It looked MUCH better, but of course, Ady was not too happy, naturally, but he is very chuffed that his hormone tablets have started making the hair on top of his head grow again!
So, he has got a bald square by his winkie, where they blasted him with radiotherapy and his bald head has hair growing!

At the beginning of April, we had to go and see the rheumatologist to talk about going back on the Methotrexate for his arthritis. A couple of days before, our rheumy nurse Lisa rang (she is lovely) to say that his bloods had flagged up to say his white cells were on the cusp of being too low.
We agreed that it was probably the radiotherapy that had caused it and what a good job we were seeing Mr Rheumy guy in a few days.
Mr Rheumy guy took some more bloods to make sure the white cells weren’t going any lower and if they weren’t, then Ady is to start back on the Methotrexate and 10mg for the first two weeks, remembering his folic acid two days before and two days after, and then move up to 22.5mg.
He is also to have blood tests every two weeks for six weeks and then monthly after that.
Phew, I am glad I have written this down, so if I confuse myself, then I will check what I have said on here!
I asked about the Methotrexate mixing with the Casodex and Tamoxifen and he wasn’t sure of the answer and told me to check with a pharmacist. I did that and have been told that although both are pretty toxic on the liver, it should be OK with plenty of blood tests.
His white cells haven’t gone down any further, so he has taken his first tablet today. I will be the wife from hell and ring to check the results every two weeks, just to make sure nothing is missed.
You’ve got to be proactive with these things ya know!!

Julia.

Ady has a cousin who is a stubborn miserable old fecker. He pretty much falls out with anyone when the mood takes.
He is one of those types that will never contact, or keep in touch with anyone, with the excuse being “Well, they never ring me, so why should I ring them”.
Ady is a good boy, and makes the effort to keep in touch with him and rings regularly. I even speak to him on the phone sometimes and we actually get on well!
He has a daughter called Julia who is about my age with a husband and four year old son. He is really cute, the son that is...
Anyway, they used to travel down from the Cotswolds to spend the day with us. We would tell Ady’s other brothers and they would pop in and say hello sometimes.
As long as you got the hang of Tony, he was good fun.
Julia would spend a lot of her time keeping control of all the boys and we got on very well.

Last year, Julia was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She was operated on and had chemo. All seemed well and they got on with their lives.
A few months ago, they came to see us and we had a great day. Julia, however, was complaining about pains in her stomach. We both chatted and agreed that she needed to go back to the consultant to make sure all was OK.
She did that and the consultant said that it could be pain from the op as he couldn’t feel anything else.
The pain continued and so she kept going back to the medics about it.
They eventually found that the cancer had returned, but by this time, she was quite ill. They admitted her to hospital for more tests and to get her strong enough for some more chemo.

They then decided that she would never be strong enough and that actually, there was nothing more they could do for her. Julia didn’t want to know how long she had left and they transferred her to a Sue Ryder home.

All the while this was going on, we were on the phone to Tony getting updates. He was totally devastated. His only child.
We agreed that we would come up to visit around Easter and bring the girls too cos they wanted to come.

Ady was very quiet for a few days and really wasn’t sure if he wanted to visit.
He wanted to visit, to support Tony and Julia, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to visit a cancer patient in their final days/weeks. He was just not able to cope with that mentally while he is trying to fight his own battles. And of course, he felt very guilty that he was thinking of himself and not of Julia.
Before Ady told me how he was feeling, Tony and I had spoken and wondered if him coming would be a good idea anyway. We both agreed that if we were in Ady’s position, we wouldn’t want to make that trip at all. We also knew that Julia would completely understand.

We all ended up agreeing that I would visit on the Monday before Easter and Ady would stay at home with the girls.
I got my twat nav ready and even bought some new blu tac to stick it to the windscreen, cos I have lost the holder thingy. I got the postcode of the hospice and checked on google maps to familiarise myself with where I was going cos I am very good at getting lost!
Monday came, and I thought I would take myself a packed lunch and a flask cos it was a three hour trip there. I was going to find myself somewhere pretty to have my lunch.
In a way, I was quite looking forward to taking a day out, on my own...no rushing anywhere, nice and peaceful and sitting with Julia for a while and comforting her and then going off somewhere quiet and pretty to eat my lunch and have a good old think and then maybe pop back in to see Julia one last time before I went home.

I rang the hospice about 9 in the morning to ask that it was OK that I came. They suggested that I rang her husband. I told them that I had been in contact with them all the way along and that I was doing a three hour journey to see her.
They said that if I was planning on visiting, then to visit today.
I asked the nurse to tell Julia that I was on my way.
Ady was going off for a blood test and so I told him that I would be gone by the time he got back and I was making my lunch and then leaving.
I had just packed my Haribo and crisps for my lunch and the phone rang. It was Tony, telling me that Julia had just passed away.
Poor woman, probably lost the will to live when the nurses told he I was coming to see her.

She leaves behind her husband, her four year old son and her father . They are all devastated at the loss of such a brilliant woman. Julia used to organise them all and keep them all towing the line.

Ady has really struggled with her death and it has shaken him quite a lot. She was 40 years old.

We are going to her funeral in the Cotswolds on Monday. It will be a very sad day for everyone and although we will celebrate her life, 40 years wasn’t that long, was it.

Rest In Peace Julia. I will miss you and our chats and laughs.

Doesn't Time Fly!

Good God, where has all the time gone??

I feel a bit bad, not having updated my blog for a few weeks, but it’s OK,it’s only momentary and I’m over it already.
From what I can remember, the rest of the radiotherapy went pretty much without a hitch, apart from delays with machines and general stuff. The staff in oncology are really lovely. They all have plenty of time for you, even if they are busy, they make time to listen and help you with a smile.
Ady and I both agreed that they put some nursing staff on general wards to shame.
Towards the end of his treatment, Ady was starting to enjoy the cumulative effects of his radiotherapy. He cant go for more than about an hour without needing a wee, and when his body says “Piss!”, then he has to go straight away...running....there is no warning system in place!
A couple of weeks ago, right at the last few days of radiotherapy, one evening, he thought,” Hmm, I think I need a poo...no, actually, it’s a wee...no, a poo...no, no, I am sure it’s just a wee” He went upstairs for a wee, pulled his trousers down and promptly shat all over the floor!
Thank the good Lord that I was out that evening, enjoying time with my friends for her birthday, so he had to clear it up himself.
Things got a bit dire that weekend and poor Ady was shitting and pissing everywhere. It really got him down actually and we thought, “Christ, is this what it is going to be like?..Have they blasted his arse away completely?” Which was the concern of the oncologist because of his previous bowel surgery.
I rang our lovely district nurse and told her of our problems. Bless her, she was straight round, doing an incontinence assessment, and fast tracked Ady for some incontinence pads.
She did say that we were the most amusing couple she had assessed cos we were just laughing about it while Ady was running to the loo every ten minutes and then coming down stairs saying “Christ Marnie, I don’t know if it’s my pisser or my shitter next, and I can’t hold onto anything. This just isn’t normal or natural” and then each time he ran to the loo, he would be saying “This isn’t natural ya know”
Marnie saved our day and some nice decent sized piss/shit pads arrived a few days later.
Things have calmed down a lot in that department now although he still gets no warning for a wee, and about a 30 second warning for a poo. He is also up between three and five times a night for a wee, so he is knackered during the day.
When he does go for a poo, he thinks he is going to do a great big wopping one, and all he does is a Barbie poop..this happens about five times a day. Needless to say, it has made him quite sore but lovely Geriant (our macmillan man) gave him some foam to squirt up there.
Ady and I agreed that he has had everything else shoved up there and a bit of foam might be a pleasant change. Poor Geriant just didn’t know how to our basic humour.
Let’s move on to the hormones. Oh...Dear....God.....there was me, being very hopeful that he would be multitasking by the end of the week, how wrong was I !!
He starts saying something and mid way, he completely loses track of what he was saying and then asks me what he was saying, so now, horror of horrors, I actually have to listen to him every time he speaks. I can’t get away with saying “Oh yes” and “Uh huh” to make it sound like I am listening *sigh*
He has become a bit hormonal too and has to check with me to see if I think he is being a bit oversensitive at times.
The girls think it’s great cos when he says “No” to something they want, they just say “But you said we could earlier” and he says “Did I”?...little buggers lol.

Ady summed himself up perfectly when he was speaking to my brother in law when he asked how the hormones were going and his reply was “Well Andy, I’m just like a woman, I can’t do fuck all all day cos I’m knackered”
I did suggest to Ady that I should take on the male role and demand rampant sex all night and then sulk cos he is too tired, has a headache and his hormones have taken his libido away.
Strangely, that didn’t go down to well, but I found it very amusing indeed.

When the end of radiotherapy came, we got all the staff some boxes of biscuits to thank them for everything they do. Ady said he felt very odd, not going back there again, and felt a bit , oh what’s the word....erm...vulnerable I spose,in a way, cos suddenly, he wasn’t seeing anyone medical who would ask how he was. Even the receptionists would ask how we both were every day, but we have been told to ring if we are worried, and they are phoning on Wednesday to chat to Ady.
He doesn’t feel like that now cos he is used to not going there now but towards the end, I had to stop some of my work cos it was just too flipping stressful worrying about whether I was going to get back in time or if I was going to be late and let everyone down, so I just didn’t go in at all. That was SO much better!
Of course, cutting down on my hours have us some time together in the afternoons on the allotment. Ady would come home and have a sleep while I did some housework and cooked dinner, and then we would go and potter.
This was much better cos he was rarely left on his own to get too deep in thought and it gave us some nice time together.
We needed to build a fruit cage and as Ady is very friendly with the guys at the fencing place, and they know his situation, they gave us a load of great big long steak things that were not really good enough to sell, but good enough for what we wanted, and they delivered them all for free!
When Ady was working, he used to do quite a bit of fencing, and he has one of those bloody heavy post rammer inners. I thought to myself “Bloody marvellous, he will ram those in within five minutes with that”
Well, we only had one of those white plastic garden chairs to stand on so I said “Dont worry, I will hold it steady while you stand on it and thump the posts in”
He got half way through with the first one before his started looking a bit white and then said “Here you are, you have a go”
Bloody hell, I could hardly lift the thumper!
It took me a good part of the afternoon, balancing on the chair ramming all six posts in. I was blooming knackered and the cheeky bugger tells everyone that HE made me a fruit cage!! I don’t jolly well think so! It must be his hormones making him think funny.

Right, that’s it for the moment cos otherwise this little bloggette will be too long and get boring, if you are not bored already.
In my next one, I will tell you all about Julia and the DWP.

Three more days done.

On Monday, it was Andy’s turn to do the hospital run.

The girls are loving being taken to school every morning..we might as well cos we are going past every day and they dont really like getting the bus, but Ady’s appointment on Monday was changed to 12.40. Luckily for the girls, I was still passing in the morning  cos I had to give my elderly lady I look after a bath.

The girls were pretty loud in the car and very happy, singing away and making jokes. As I dropped them off, I reminded the about their bus passes for the bus home, and Charlotte happily announced that she had forgotten hers and so I will have to pick them up too.

I agreed to that, knowing Charlotte had probably forgotten it on purpose, but I had other plans!

I think Charlotte was a bit pissed off when Ady and Andy delivered her pass to school later on in the morning on the way to hospital, so she had to get the bus after all!..cheeky little monkey!

Anyway, Andy and Ady merrily went off, like tweedle dum and tweedle dee with my strict instructions about what time to start drinking.  We had completely lost our benefit scroungers freebie parking ticket, so Ady also had strict instructions about getting another one of those too. They left at 11.30, by which time I was back from bathing my lady. I thought to myself, right I am going to have a nice sit down for a minute or two, and relax.

I made myself a nice cup of coffee and as I sat down, I looked around the dining room and noticed Ady had left his blue hospital shoe things behind *sigh*..I tell you, these men are bloody hopeless at times!

Never mind, Ady got some more at the hospital. All went well and on time and they were back home in the afternoon, just in time to have a sleep while watching Dickensons Real Deal, God help us all!....Christ, he will discover Loose Women next and thank the Lord his appointments usually run when Jeremy’s Vile show is on!

Tuesday was Roy’s day. The girls like Roy taking them to school cos his car has heated seats and brilliant suspension, unlike my little Ignis where the suspension is as small as the car and only has 3 doors.

That all went well too although the TV said they were running half an hour late when they were running five minutes. Usually, that sort of thing is not a problem, but when you are trying to time your bladder and piss, 25 minutes makes a huge difference! But it’s no biggie and all went well.

Ady is getting up much more in the night for a wee now, and in fact, last Sunday, he got up five times in the night...I’m flipping knackered!

Now, I get really fed up of thinking two or three times a day “ Oh sigh, what shall I cook for dinner tonight” and then go through a whole load of things that I can be bothered to cook and what will defrost quickly and wishing I had decided the day before so I could defrost the meat in time. The whole thinking process and sighing that goes with it, takes up a lot of my day, so I decided that I would do a menu for the week, so all I now have to do is sigh and think once a week. Everyone knows what they are eating so I am not constantly questioned and then moaned at cos they dont want that and can they have this instead. I refuse to cook four different meals to please everyone every evening, so they get what is put on their plate and like it, unless me and Charlotte want curry, then they others can have eggs on toast.

I am so full of shite that instead of writing for Monday pork chops mash and veg, I wrote ‘Slow roasted pork chops in a rich gravy with tender carrots, creamy mashed potatoes, French beans and petit pois.

And instead of sausages chips and beans, I have written ‘ locally produces sausages (well, Sainsburys is local innit), French fries and succulent baked beans in a rich tomato sauce.

The kids love it and think they are in a hotel and I love it cos I know what I am doing all week now and shop accordingly. I am saving miwyons!

Today was Diana’s turn to do the hospital run. Ady’s appointment was at 10 to 10, so enough time to drop the girls to school, get to the hospital and have coffee and scones. Hmm, do people call them scones or sconns? The spelling speaks for itself to me. Anyway, they had a good run through and even all the lights were green, so Ady has decided that he will go with Diana more often! There were even spaces in the oncology parking area..that’s never happened before!

Ady said it was lovely chatting to Diana and they talked nonstop all the way there and back although I am sure if I ask Diana, she will tell me the truth,and that Ady talked nonstop all the way there and back!

Ady was called in ten minutes early for his zapping and I expect the nurses were really chuffed that they were running early.

There are two zapping rooms, one is LA5 and the other is LA6 and today Ady was in LA6. When he had finished his days zapping, no one helped if off the bed like they usually do. He says it is a really hard bed to get off, so he put his hands on the side of the bed to try and  pull himself up. He didn’t realise there were a load of buttons just under the bed, which of course he pressed while he was trying to grip. The silly bugger only switched the whole thing off and buggered it up so much that they had to get the engineer to come and fix it.

Luckily Ady had been zapped, so he made his apologies, found Diana who was happily watching the news and told her to hurry up cos he had just broken the machine!

They got home safely and I think the radiotherapy is taking its toll now. He has belly ache and is really knackered. At the moment, he is fast asleep on the sofa. Bless him.

I bet they are running late this afternoon!!

Nearly half Way.

On Monday, my brother in law, Andy, did the hospital run which was really helpful because it let me get on with other stuff.

Diana (my sister) and Andy really want to help us. They offered help last year with Ady’s car MOT but because we had so much help from the lovely HHOers, we didn’t need it at that time. We were overwhelmed with offers of help then, which was so lovely and needed!  so I have put some offers of help in the bank so to speak.

Ady is really fatigued from the Casodex and I think that this saga is going to be a long one!

I have this horrible feeling that when this is all over, and Ady decides to go back to work (hopefully), that the bloody PSA is going to start rising. The more I learn about this disease, the more I realise that there are no guarantees. From what I can gather, this treatment he is having will lengthen the time to a recurrence, but it doesn’t improve the survival rate..perhaps I have read it wrong..I dunno.

Anyway, off the two boys went for the 11.15 appointment. (It had been changed from 9.25). Ady had strict instructions to start drinking his water at 10.25 and have it drunk by 10.30 and DONT wee. When they got there, they were told that there had been a power cut that morning and there was a 90 minute delay, so Ady had a wee and started his drinking routine again.

Ten minutes before his appointment, he was absolutely desperate for a wee and simply couldn’t hold on any longer, so he missed his slot and had to do the whole drinking thing again..anyway, they finally got home sometime after lunch. Glad I wasn’t doing that trip!

Our lovely friend Roy took him on Tuesday and as far as I can gather, it all went without a hitch.

Diana was doing the Wednesday run, but rang on Tuesday evening to say she was not well at all. We agreed that it would be much better if I did it so he didn’t catch her lurgy.

There was a bit of a delay on the Wednesday but by now, the side effects were starting to kick in.

Ady is up about three times a night having a wee and disturbs my television viewing in the evening getting up and down, to and fro to the toilet!

And he now gets a 30 second warning for a poo.

Thursday was my birthday and Ady’s appointment was 9.50 for the MacMillan review and 10.10 for the radiotherapy.

We dropped the girls to school and arrived to the hospital early, so we decided to have a scone and coffee. It was really nice with a very pretty outside area with ponds and flowers and French doors with the sun streaming through...I felt a bit like I was on holiday actually.

I was having a lovely time, answering peoples happy birthday texts, munching on my scone and sipping my coffee, enjoying the sun through the window, when Ady said “ Em, some of the people in here look really ill”

“Do they?” I said, and looked up and noticed that the waiting room had filled up.

Poor Ady looked really worried and upset. I could tell what was going on in his mind. He didn’t want to be reminded that he might look horribly ill one day too. Behind the scenes, and behind his brave face and jokes, he is petrified of what is to come. We both are.

We moved from that main waiting room to the radiotherapy waiting room where people don’t look quite so ill. Adys appointments came and went, we had a lovely chat with Geraint about Ady’s side effects.

We understood that the side effects would happen towards the end of treatment and for a few weeks after because radiotherapy has a cumulative effect and builds up in the system.

Geraint said that Ady is on a higher dose over a shorter period, so the side effects will be pretty quick. He showed me the pictures of the mapping scan and where they are blasting. I was surprised to see that they are blasting about a third of his bladder and shooting right through his arse..poor sod. Anyway, we are getting there!

In the afternoon, we went to my allotment. Ady thought he would do a bit of pruning for me which is fine cos it is only a bit of snipping and cutting twigs and things.

I have a square that I had dug a few weeks ago which needed levelling off with one of those prong things, so I set to it in a womanly way. Ady came up to me and said “You are wasting your time tickling the soil like that, you need to do it like this” and started doing it properly. After a couple of minutes, he stopped and looked up...bloody hell he was dripping with sweat and as white as a sheet.

We had a few words and I have banned him from the allotment if he is going to behave like that again! He is on pruning and looking duties ONLY!

I can see that Ady is going to be a difficult patient who is in complete denial and I will be spending a lot of my time telling him off!

Friday went without a hitch but we have had to cut Ady’s drinking time to the half hour mark cos he just cant hold it otherwise. I hope his bladder will be full enough.

Mondays time has changed from 9.40 to 12.40. Andy is doing that trip again.

So that’s it at the moment. Oh no, there was another thing I have been meaning to say.

Some people have said to Ady “Aren’t you driving yourself to the hospital?” in a surprised tone that he isn’t.

That sort of comment irritates Ady. He says there is no way he would be able to keep awake enough or concentrate enough to drive home. He also says that to him, Maidstone is Indian territory and he would just get lost and in a panic about where he is.

The last few years has changed Ady a lot. He doesn’t have the confidence he once had at all. He was never one that was overflowing with confidence in the first place, but he is very unsure these days and as long as he has someone by his side every step of the way, he will be fine.

Why anyone would expect a cancer patient to drive themselves to hospital for their treatment, alone, is beyond me. Everyone, in the waiting room, has a companion with them and Ady will have one too.

Two More Days Done.

I was planning on doing a small update after each session, or couple of sessions, but to be honest with you, I haven’t had time to fart, let alone write a blog!

This whole hospital thing pretty well takes up half of the day...well, it feels like it anyway..

On the second day, we were having a ‘Macmillan review’ at 9.30 and then radiotherapy at 9.45.

We got to the hospital for about 9am and checked in. The receptionist said that Heather would be calling us for a chat and to wait in the waiting room. If she didn’t come, then see the receptionist after the treatment and they would find her for us.

So, off we went and settled ourselves in. Ady had nearly finished his water and I had a hot chocolate. In the waiting room is a nice big screen with News 24 on and then along the bottom it calls out the name of the next person and where they need to go. We like that.

There was no sign of Heather by the time Ady was called for his zapping session so we told the receptionist. She tried to call her and there was no answer, so she asked around and no one seemed to know where she was...some people weren’t too sure exactly who she was either.

We were told to sit down and wait and Heather would be with us as soon as they had found her. So we waited for 45 minutes and then I started to get a bit irritated. I don’t mind things being late and having to wait at all, but it really pisses me off when no one actually knows what is going on and you are waiting for something to happen that no one actually knows who, when or where...just that there is an appointment.

Well, I told the receptionist in the nicest possible way that I was starting to get irritated with this whole not knowing thing and we had been at the hospital for about two hours by this time, so the receptionist still couldn’t find Heather, but along came Gariant.

He was a really lovely chappy who explained that usually, once a week they have a chat with the patient about any side effects and wot not while they are having the treatment, but they feel that it is a bit rushed and so they have decided that they are going to make a separate appointment each week for a ten minute chat instead. Ady’s was their very first appointment so the whole thing was full of teething problems.

Once that was explained, the waiting simply wasn’t a problem!

Ady asked about the whole water drinking saga and what exactly is the right thing to do, and basically, the nurse the day before had got it wrong, and he needs to have his wee and then drink his water 45 minutes before. He needs to make sure he drinks plenty during the day so that he is not dehydrated, so when he drinks his water, it goes straight into his bladder and not his tissues.

I think Friday went without a hitch, although every time we check in, the receptionist checks the next days appointment times and changes them if needed.

Monday was changed from 9.25 to 11.15

So we had done three days of radiotherapy so far. I had been up at about 5.30 to get organised, sort girls things for school, get my elderly chap up washed and dressed by 7am, make sure Adys bag for hospital was sorted, feed the cats, do the fish and chickens and all of the rest of the stuff you have to do, but most importantly, just sit for 15 minutes with my coffee and fags, in peace and quiet and wait for my automatic ‘just woken up’ bad mood to pass into a not so bad mood and move into a ‘right, lets crack on’ mood, before I get everyone else up.

Ady and the girls get up about 6.45 and have breakfast and wander out of the door into the car, quite oblivious to what I have been doing already, and off we go to school and hospital.

We were driving back home last Friday and I was thinking to myself,” cor, I am glad this is only going on for four weeks cos this is quite hard trying to fit everything in and is quite draining physically and emotionally. I am glad I have a few days off and I must make sure I look after myself and don’t burn out, Oh, and I must remember to go through Charlotte’s school options with her and help her make the right choices, hmm, when has she got to have the sheet of paper in by?...bugger, I must remember to check the school letter....” And I was thinking of a whole load of other things I need to do and remember when Ady did a great big yawn and said “Cor, I’m absolutely shattered” and immediately fell asleep in the car before I could give him one of my glares!

I felt a bit bad for wanting to glare at him cos after all, he is the one going through the treatment and he is the one with the cancer. He is the one who has looked at a beautiful view and wondered if that might be the last time he sees that and he is the one who worries that he may not see the girls grow up, or see the grandchildren. He is the one who might not reach old age.

The next minute, a fecking great lorry came flying past me on the dual carriageway and then cut me up and slammed on his breaks at the roundabout so I nearly ended up sitting on his lap before he flew off over the roundabout and up the road...no indicators or anything...tosser.