Warts and Spots

A few months ago, I was sitting down with my legs crossed. As I looked down, I noticed a spot on my leg which has never been there before. So, like you do, I picked it, and it bled, like it would, and I thought to myself, “There, that’s got rid of that”

About a week later, I noticed that it had come back and was sticking out a bit and was a bit shiny, I thought.

I decided that with our luck, it is better to be safe than sorry and I ought to get our GP to look at it. So I shaved my legs, pumiced my feet and trimmed my nails (cos the spot was at the bottom of my leg) and off I went to my appointment I had booked.

He had a good peer at it with his measuring magnifying glass thing and said “Hmmm, that looks a bit like a wart to me”

“A bloody wart??” I said “Witches get warts” I glared. “Are you sure? Are you sure it isn’t skin cancer?”

“No, I really dont think it is cancer Emma” He said “Have a look through my magnifying glass and you can see all the black spot things in the middle, indicating a wart”

There I was, sat on the chair with my legs crossed, trying to bend down with his magnifying glass thing to see for myself and my fecking stomach was in the way so I couldn’t get close up to it, so I took his word for it and blamed my inabilities on my back.

I must start that diet soon.

He told me to come back in a month and he would have another look at it, to make very sure.

So the next month, I went back. I walked in and said “Ive come to see if I am a witch”

I think he sometimes wonders if I am a bit mental to be honest but I can’t help it.

He had another look at my spot and said ”Yes, I am afraid so”

Jesus Christ!!

He gave me some acid stuff to put on it so I went home and got my homeopathy kit out and treated it myself. I thought to myself “Emma, if you are going to be a witch, you might as well behave like one”

My friends take the piss out of my homeopathy, but actually, my wart has gone now so there!...without acid!

The week in between Christmas and New Year, Ady started feeling a bit unwell. Nothing major but if you are on Methotrexate, you have to be careful with infections cos you have a reduced immune system, so I took Ady to the doctors, firstly, to make sure he was OK and his chest was clear and secondly, hoping that we could have some antibiotics on standby, just in case, what with it being new year and everything and having on call doctors and stuff.

Luckily, Ady’s chest was clear and DrK did give us a prescription for just in case. He said to ring if we cashed it in to let him know.

Just before we left, we asked in passing if he wouldn’t mind having a look at a spot on Ady’s head cos it didn’t seem to be healing and had been there a month or two.

He had a look and got his magnifying measury thing out.

“Hmm, that looks like a rogue ulcer to me. I dont want to worry you, but I need to see that in a month.”

So, off we went home and I googled rogue ulcers and realised that it is a basal cell carcinoma.

We dont know for definite yet and we are going back at the end of the month to get it checked again. Since then, another one has come up at the back of his neck, but our GP seems pretty sure..*sigh*

Isn’t it bloody typical. I shatter my ankle into smithereens, and I am made to hobble about on it in excruciating pain and told that it isn’t broken and I am being a girl...get a grip.

Ady then decides that his arthritis is eating away at his ankle joints, so he hobbles about and everyone is like “There there Ady, you poor thing, here, have some morphine for the pain, have some injections”

I go to the doctor about my skin cancer to be told it is just a wart, and Ady goes about a spot, to be told it is probably skin cancer.

He always has to go one better than me...well, my next ailment, I am keeping quiet from him!!

I am determined that 2013 is going to be a good year for us, but it might be a struggle..

We are Emma, Ady, Charlotte and Stephanie and we live at

Cancerous House,

FFS Lane,

ItsOnlyAWartWoman,

It’sOnlyASpotAdy,

IHopeItIs!